Sharing in a Conversation
Sharing in a Conversation
Do you find it difficult to start a conversation with someone you don’t know well? I often find that I am trying to avoid touchy subjects and remain politically correct and that usually results in a lot of conversation about the weather. Lauren Kirkey engaged in a conversation with 19 members of our congregation last Sunday and it was simply a lovely and loving exchange.
Lauren is a woman. She feels like a woman. She looks like a woman. She was born male. Informing people that she is transgender is not the first thing she wants you to know about her. She is more interested that you understand her passion for teaching, her love of the church, and the relationship with her incredible partner of 12 years. These are things that excite and motivate her.
Lauren was willing to share with us her journey through her childhood, adolescence and into adulthood where she came to fully realize and express her true self. She started off by explaining that when having a conversation with a transgender person the only topic that is generally considered off the table is a discussion or questioning about any possible surgeries they may have completed. It simply doesn’t matter. What you see is all that matters. What stands before you is a lovely woman and that’s what counts. We asked Lauren about how we might be better Allies for the Transgender Community. Her first comments were about washrooms. Washrooms are a huge problem for the Transgender Community. Lauren has been shamed out of washrooms so many times that she would rather hold herself than attend to her needs in a public washroom.
This is something that our congregation must be aware of. We have one all-accessible washroom. The sign indicates that all are welcome whether they identify as male, female, bisexual, physically challenged, or burdened with a child and a stroller. Lauren has herself been shamed out of using washrooms labelled as all-accessible. This information challenges us to always remember that anyone who enters a washroom has
probably read the signs and knows where they are. We are being asked to always trust that each person has made a conscious choice of which washroom to enter and even if they have made a mistake, better to just say Hello and offer them a cup of coffee than redirect them to a different stall.
Lauren also spoke about how each of us might support our children and grandchildren. Offer opportunities to engage in activities that are not gender specific. Take your child shopping and let them choose which department they would like to shop in. One day it might be the boys' department; another day it might be the girls' department. Maybe it is always the department you are not expecting. Be open, be watchful, be approachable.
Lauren said that by inviting her to participate in our Worship service and by engaging in this conversation we were demonstrating how to be good Allies. We will have another opportunity for an after Worship Conversation with Pam Rocker on March 14. Pam is a legend in the United Church Community and engaging her is sort of like having Sydney Crosby drop in to play road hockey with you. I hope you are able to attend and hear her message on how to engage children in discussions about the LGBTQIA2S+ community.